I first saw it as spam; emails telling me I needed to click a link and update my information at Fifth Third Bank. At that time I had never heard of Fifth Third Bank (there weren’t any around here), and I thought how stupid of the spammer to make up such a terrible name for a bank.
Then I realized there really is a Fifth Third Bank, but it’s still a terrible name. Don’t they have a marketing department that can do better than that?
But I thought about that when I started thinking of the possibility (threat?) of a third party presidential candidacy. A lot of people all over the political spectrum are not exactly thrilled with their choices in this presidential election. So the possibility of the “third-party candidacy” is very real.
Today “The Donald” Trump, who had threatened to run his own candidacy for president if he didn’t approve of the Republican field, announced his support for Romney (yawn) so he won’t be mounting his own third-party run. However there are always other possibilities.
Of course, the term “third party” is misleading because the ACTUAL third party is the Libertarian Party. It’s the party with the most genuine elected officials at all levels of government. It is still the Rodney Dangerfield of political parties, however; partly because Libertarians can’t talk for five minutes without promoting the legalization of drugs. Gary Johnson, former governor of New Mexico, is one of four running for president as a Libertarian.
But the “second third party” might be the Reform Party. In ’92, Bill Clinton arguably became President because Ross Perot divided the conservatives. Perot’s movement became the Reform Party, which still exists and is having its own presidential candidates in a primary fight, but few people know it.
Then, the “third third party” would be the Green Party. Some say Ralph Nader “Peroted” Al Gore, Jr. and precipitated the “hanging chad” controversy of the 2000 election. There’s the big news that Rosanne Barr, the low-class, low-brow comedienne, has thrown her hat in the ring for the Green Party, but she also has a primary battle against two others.
Then there’s the Constitution Party, the “fourth third party”, which I remember because a few years ago the late Joseph Sobran stopped writing his erudite column to be the vice-presidential running mate of a man whose name I don’t remember.
And we shouldn’t forget the “fifth third party” (the American Socialist Party), the “sixth third party” (the Conservative Party), and the “seventh third party” (the Justice Party).
And if none of these “third parties” float your boat, there is actually a “Third Party”. That’s its name: the Third Party. It just looks like two guys with a web site but, hey, it’s America, where the Bill of Rights guarantees Freedom of Association.
God Bless the U-S of A!
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